It is WAY past your bedtime!

Time for some entertainment people!! I think my adoring fans deserve some fun stories. How about the one where I met a guy that has sex with cars? Oh yea, I'm serious. I'm also serious when I say that I dated him. In my defense, I didn't think he was serious about the car thing until after we started dating. It wasn't until he told me he wasn't interested in sex with people and denied me, that I realized it wasn't a joke. He explained to me that he was 'asexual' and just wasn't interested in banging women (or men) but cars instead. I was like, "uh, wtf?" But alas, I continued dating him because I did that whole thing where I try to convince myself that I can make anything work. (Side note: I bought a bag of Brach's chewy treats and this shit is like my kryptonite. Fer Realz) Anywho, so I went out to the bar with him a few times and met some awesome people, so dating him didn't turn out all bad. He sorta went crazy towards the end though. Yes, crazier than having sex with cars. We all went to the bar rather frequently, and most of us, not including myself til more recently, sang karaoke. Sex-with-cars-guy (that's what I'll call him) thinks he is the world greatest singer, and God's gift to man. I'll be the first to admit, he does a pretty good job with Johnny Cash. He started doing this REALLY ANNOYING thing where he would just get all riled up and stomp to the music when other people were singing, and he'd sing over them. Everyone started to get really agitated with him, so I told him he should stop before he ticks too many people off. He ended up getting snippy with me and I snapped back. We broke up...but that's actually another story that has nothing to do with this and a lot to do with me being all sad and shit. That's when he stopped going to the bar and everyone started thanking me for getting rid of him.

Then in comes Rick...or Karlitos ...er....Big Rick...I don't know what he's going by these days. He's a total tool. I can't stand him. All he sings is terrible rap music and he won't sing it by himself, so it ends up being other people singing this shitty music while he says a few random words and sways his arms like a chimp. Apparently he is in love with me though, because I'm beautiful. Who can blame him right? I mean, I am damn sexy.

If I were a dude, I'd so bang me. Right, so, then there's Mr. Brown.  He is a character as well. He has these great ideas like, "I'm going to get a van and tell little girls that I have a puppy. Then when I get them in the van, I'll tell them 'there is no puppy, bitch.'" God, I hope he's joking. He's got this awesomely annoying habit of sticking his finger in your mouth when you yawn, which gave me the brilliant idea for a new "thing" that kids can do. Instead of a wet willy, where you stick your finger in your mouth, then in someone's ear, it's a waxy willy. You stick your finger in your ear, and then in someone's mouth. It's only for skilled willy-givers though. It's not easy to get your finger in someone's mouth, unless you're Mr. Brown.  By the way, Mr.Brown isn't as old as I make him sound by calling him mister. He's only 29, til next month when he turns old...I mean 30. Just kidding; 30 isn't old.

I'll wait til my next blog to tell you about my new roommies :-)

No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

Oh my, oh my...the things that have been going on. Well, for starters, I moved out of my old place and in with Sandie again. Unfortunately, my work situation isn't the greatest. I am still employed, but my insanity got the best of me and I am now on an extended leave of absence from work; that means that I am not on the schedule to work, but once I "get better" I can start working again. I'm not sure when I'm going to "get better" though. Not working means I can't pay bills, so, I no longer live with Sandie anymore either. I moved in with a friend named Fran and her boyfriend James. Fran understands and has gone through the same things that I have so it is going to be nice to have someone to help me through all of it. I don't want to go into too much detail because it is so intense and so far this entire blog has been rather entertaining, and not very serious. I'd really rather keep it that way because who wants to read about sad things that happen to other people, other than people who have sad things happen to them and want to see other people be unhappy, too, because misery loves company. I will tell you all this though, my puppy Willy passed away in July and I got a new kitty. Her name is Gabriella Grace and she is a little pain in my neck but I love her to death. I'd love to stay and blog more, but I have to go check the mail at my old address since Sandie is in Ohio visiting her mom. I'll try to keep you all more updated and come up with more upbeat posts...remind me to tell you the story about the arm pits...

Your Mother and I Think It's About Time You Get a Job...Part 2

I think it's been about..oh, an eternity since I last blogged. Everything on the planet has changed since then, including my JOB STATUS! Yea, that's right. I got a job. So what if I'm just a cashier at Home Depot. I actually love it. Tons of creepers come in and hit on me and it makes me feel loved. We'll get back to more of that later. Other things to come in this entry: my visit from a sailor. I got to see one of my bestest childhood friends a while ago. Then, once we get passed the shock of the job and the tail of a sailor...I got a puppy! You guys ready to dive into this entry? It's a good one!

So, let's go back to the beginning of April, when everything started to change. I had my interview at Home Depot. I'm not sure if I told you guys that or not. Anyway, they made me pee in a cup and all that good stuff then told me that I got the job! Unfortunately, the job is only temporary. My store manager said that they hire on a lot of the temps permanently. I just have to wait until my temp status is up, which should be sometime early next month. Cross your fingers!

When I got the job, I was already planning for a visit from a long time friend, Matt. It just figures that they would schedule me to work the day he was suppose to get here. It all worked out though, because we ended up having orientation early so I could take the next Saturday off to be with him. Man, this blog is really uninteresting...I'll get on with it...long story short, Matt came to visit for a week and we had fun. Next topic...

Working at HD has been super interesting. I had this guy come in a while ago and ask me if I was married. I just kinda looked at him for a minute and he said "No, you can't be married." Then he went on talking to the guy standing next to me about how us young women don't realize that the old guys that hit on us used to be just like the horny young teens that we like. Only difference is the old guys have houses. He said that if we were smart, we would hook up with the old guys since they are falling apart. In the end, we'd end up single, with a house. Then he decided to tell me the story of the hookers that helped him when he broke both of his wrists. According to him, they took care of him, but one day they stuck a crack pipe in his mouth and got him hooked on it. Then they sold all of his stuff and turned his place into a crack house. After telling me his story, he turned around and walked away. It was messed up.

Another good one happened last night. Some lady (term being used loosely) walked into the store and she had a GIANT hole in the back of her skirt...and no underwear. I don't know how the hell you can walk around like that and not realize that your ass is showing. REALLY?!

Anyway, that's all I've got in me right now. I clearly have to get the creative juices flowing again before I right another one of these or I'm definitely going to lose all my follows, if I haven't already.

I thought we taught you not to talk to strangers...

So, I was thinking that blogging has become sort of...well...pointless, since the only people that read my blog come in contact with me frequently. Then I realized that I have two random followers. I don't know you, but hi. It's nice to know that someone other than the people that I interact with on an almost daily basis are interested in my random rambling. Feel free to comment on my blogs. I'm not sure what you would have to say, but I'm always interested in other people's opinions.

It's been a long while since I last blogged, mainly because I've been so freakishly busy. I'm having a blast fixing up the house, though. The floors are looking amazing. It's so great to work so hard on a project, then be able to see such drastic results, almost instantly. I'm glad I've been able to stay busy too. Working on the house has kept me off my butt. Two days went to painting my room, then three days more went to ripping up/putting in the floors. Then there are the cabinets that I painted. I love living here and working with Miss Heather and Sir Chris. Heather and I are having a blast with all of this...at least I think she is. :-D We kick some major ass when we clean the house, lemme tell ya! Seems like every Sunday, we do a super clean. Cranking up the music and just going to town on it (dirty.)

I think this is the least entertaining blog I have ever written. I'm not sure what's gotten into me lately. Maybe my next one will be better. It is almost 2 AM...that could be it. Hmm...I'll sleep on it and do my best to give you guys a super fantastical blog later on. Oh, but I want everyone that reads my blog to know that according to this, fantastical is a word. I did not know that. I thought I made it up. Epic.

Previously on: I Know You Know Better Than That

No, I'm not going to recap what I already said. If you really can't remember, read it again. I woke up the next day, kinda crabby. We planned on leaving around 5 that night to head over to my aunt's place. Emily made some chicken crap and grabbed two plates and asked my mom what piece she wanted. She continued to dish up for herself, then went and sat down at the table. She completely ignored the fact that I was even there. I was not happy. I ignored her because I ended up getting a text message from Cody saying he wanted to go out for coffee at 2. I put on my coat and shoes and stood by the door waiting for about 20 minutes because I was acting like a child and didn't want to be near Emily. He showed up and I got in the car. Cody smells good, in case you were wondering. We spoke like we hadn't just had a retarded fight over coffee and headed out to Biggby's. I got an 8 ounce mocha for $12. That's a lie. It was like $3 but that's still expensive. It didn't matter though, because Cody was a gentleman and paid for my drink. We sat and chatted for about an hour, until Cody said he had to go to Walmart to get some chap stick. I don't know if that was code for something or what...but he took me back to the house. We packed up our stuff and my mom grabbed a box from a pile of stuff she was leaving for Emily. She said she wanted to give AnneMarie (my niece) something before she moved...something that she said she had been waiting to give to her first granddaughter for years. It was a Tupperware tea set that she once told me was meant for my first daughter. I was crushed. I took my crap to the car and sat in there waiting.

My mom acted like nothing was wrong until she got a phone call from my dad. At that point she went on to tell him that I was upset over her giving away her stuff, because I wanted it. For the record, that is NOT why I was upset. I was upset because my mom was giving away my childhood memories. She gave away a bunch of Barbies that were still in the boxes, things that she used to tell me would some day belong to me. We eventually got into a discussion about how I felt like she is leaving me behind. She once again asked me if I would go with her. I'm not going anywhere. She keeps saying that she is coming home in September (the month of my birthday) so that she can visit her "grandbabies." It wasn't until the third or fourth time that she said it that she realized that it was killing me that her grandkids were taking priority over her kids...over me. We both sobbed for about 5 minutes then went on to sing to some 80's music that was on Sirius radio.

We made it to my aunt's place around 5:30 and she was so excited that she was going to get to take us out on the town. She hadn't seen me since I turned 21, so her goal for the night was to get me messed up. We went to three bars that night, Monelli's, Mojo's and ...some other bar that sucked so bad I don't even remember the name of it. My aunt likes to stop at a gas station before she goes out so she can grab a Red Bull to avoid a hangover the next day so we stopped and my mom experienced her first energy drink. We got to Monelli's and my aunt couldn't find her wallet anywhere. At that point, we turned around and went back to the gas station to see if she left it there. She went inside and the person at the counter said they hadn't seen anything. She stormed out of the gas station tweaking about it and I told her that she probably dropped it when she got into the car. She walked over to where she was parked before and sure enough it was sitting in the parking spot. It had been run over so the zipper was broken but nothing was missing. It's a little sad that she was losing stuff before she even started drinking...

We got BACK to the bar and met up with my aunt's friends Leah and Donna. Both of them were divorced, and on the prowl like sex crazed cougars. Leah looked like she was in her late 20's when in reality she was in her early 40's...with a 21 year old son. Donna took Leah to get her car and my aunt ordered me a long beach, which I guess is like a long island but with cranberry juice. It was strong. It was GOOD. I sucked it down in a matter of minutes and my aunt ordered me another. I took that one a little slower and Leah and Donna came back. I was a little more comfortable at that point. The owner of the bar came and sat by us because my aunt sold him ad space a while back and he bought us all a "birthday shot." Turns out I really like buttery nipples. We were getting ready to leave and I was a little nervous to get up, since I just downed 2 long beaches and a shot in a matter of 30 minutes and on an empty stomach. I thought I was going to fall over. It was fun asking my mom to hold me up.

So next up was Mojo's, where they have the dueling pianos, and a really hot pianist. Oh god was he hot, and damn could he play. Mmmm....Oh, sorry...where was I? Uhh..oh right. We walked into the bar and we were all headed towards the bathroom because my aunt and I were about to wet ourselves. We weren't in the bar for any longer than 3 minutes and my mom was hit on. She would want me to mention that. The bar was packed so there was nowhere to sit, but my mom would not have that so she went on a search for a table. Next thing I know, my mom is waving her hands in the air like an idiot. We wandered over to her and she explained that the guy that was sitting there was about to leave and he said we could have his table, but he asked if it was alright for him to finish his drink first. We all sat down, said hi, all that good stuff. Leah sat down next to him and chatted him up. His name was Adam and he was 24. I drank a Bahama Mama, and another buttery nipple and we all made fools of ourselves, like any normal dumb ass at a bar. Next up was that ridiculously stupid bar that I can't remember the name of...WAIT! It was called Magoo's...and it sucked.

My aunt said that it was suppose to be some bar that played 80's music. It was midnight, and I felt like an old woman because I wanted to go to bed. It wasn't 80's music either. It was the usual music that people have sex on the dance floor to. That's exactly what was going on. Right away my aunt got us a shot called a red headed slut. It was nasty. Stuff happened, and people were there. Leah brought Adam with her because apparently they were hitting it off. She was trashed. So trashed in fact that she tried to sit on the bar stool and missed. It was awesome. There was almost a bar fight. All that good garbage. We got home around 2:30, after bar close, and we got to sleep on the couch. It was really comfy, except for that it wasn't.

We were up by 8:30, and showered so we could head to our next destination, West Bloomfield, where I was suppose to meet Brian and Shaun. I tried to make plans with Brian but it was too short of notice, so no Brian, I'm not mad at you, just disappointed that I didn't get to see you. We got to my mom's friend Brenda's place at about 2 that afternoon. I was really uncomfortable for multiple reasons. One was because Brenda has a 10 year old son, named TJ, that is mildly autistic and he REALLY liked me. He was adorable, but it was awkward because he kept kissing me on the cheek and rubbing his forehead on my arm. The other reason I was uncomfortable was because Brenda also has another son, my age, named Mitch. I don't do well around people my age. So I was sitting at the table in silence and I got a text message from Shaun. I had mentioned the conversation that I had with Brad to him a while before and he brought it up with Brad. Apparently I lied about something. I was uncomfortable, and crabby, and just didn't feel good so I was a jerk and told Shaun that maybe we should just cancel our date for that night. I regretted it, in fact I still do, because I didn't get to see him before I left for home and now I don't know if I'll ever see him again. We all sat around and talked for hours and then it was time for bed. The next day we went out to eat, then went back to the house and I got my hair cut. Now it looks freaking awesome.

Brenda's husband Steve, TJ and Mitch all came in and Mitch said something about his friend Cheeks wanting to go bowling that night. Mitch walked out of the room and my mom instantly said I should go with them. I'm not one to invite myself out with someone, and especially someone that I barely know. I told her I didn't want to go and Brenda said I would have fun but I left it at that. I think Mitch heard the conversation because that night as we were eating he asked if I wanted to go with him. It was sweet of him but I had a feeling he did it out of pity. I told him that I appreciated the offer but I was going to pass. My mom began to push it as did Brenda and after 15 minutes of nagging and an offer of $20 if I went, I finally got them to shut up. I haven't been that uncomfortable in a very long time. Fortunately, that was the last night of our trip, so all I had to do was make it through that night. We watched some music videos because Brenda is stuck in 19, 19, 1985 then headed to bed. 7 am rolled around and the trip home began. Now I'm home, and my computer is fixed. TADA!

Oh, and if there were a bunch of typos, it would be because I didn't want to read this whole thing over again to look for them..so bug off.

I Know You Know Better Than That.

So, I just got back from a long trip downstate yesterday. We were gone for a week and I said I would blog while I was gone...but I didn't. I'm a bad friend. In my defense, I didn't have a computer so shut your faces. Anyway, the trip was fun, but not as eventful as I would have hoped. I went down there hoping to see a bunch of old friends and ended up only seeing one. I'm glad I got to see him, don't get me wrong, but even that was like pulling teeth.

I left the house on Monday because I was staying at my mom's the night before we left, since she is crazy and wanted to leave at 6:30 the next morning (by the way, we left around 9). I borrowed her car while she was at work so that I could get some crap done before we left, and before I spent my entire tax refund on stupid things like booze. I went to the Secretary of State to transfer over the title of my car to my name after having it for about a year and a half. I know, I'm irresponsible, but I've accepted that. So I'm standing at the counter while the lady is looking for the right papers and this girl comes up to me. I look over and it's one of my old roommates from the apartment that I lived in from August to November of 2008. There was a fire in the basement apartment of the building on November 25th. 5 animals in my apartment died from smoke inhalation, as well as 3 animals from the apartment next to us, and 1 from the basement. Only one animal survived the fire, and he was never the same.

Anyway, back on topic. The girl, Falicia (yes, I said Falicia), told me that Ed, the guy that lived in the basement apartment, told her mother that he started the fire on purpose. I don't know how it got to the landlord or how she expects to find evidence, but she is now suing Ed. This thing has been over for over a year now! As much as I would like justice to be served, I just don't see it happening. I gave Falicia my phone number anyway because they were going to speak to a lawyer about it and I wanted to know what they found out. I decided that I should call Sandie and let her know what I found out. She lived in the apartment with me. I hadn't spoken to Sandie in a month and a half, so this phone call was a little awkward. I got through it, we spoke like we were long time friends that hadn't kept in contact...which is pretty much what we are.

My next stop was at Wal-Mart to pick up snacks for the trip. You know, healthy stuff...heh. I'm walking down one of the main aisles and I see my friend Brad. I stopped to say hi to him and tell him about my trip. One of the friends I was suppose to meet downstate (for a date) was also really good friends with him. I told him about my date and he jokingly said to expect a note on his door when I got there saying he would call me later, or something to that affect (I swear to God Shaun, he said it). He went on to tell me about an issue they were having and what-not. We said our goodbyes and moved along. Then I ran into this girl that my mom used to bowl with. She is boring and annoying so I'll just say that she rambled on much like I'm doing until fortunately her phone rang and I could sneak off. Next stop was Subway because my mom was craving it. I went in, got our subs, and an application (which I just remembered in still in my mom's car) and headed towards my next stop, which was a hotel, to drop off a different application. I was proud of my ability to get out of the parking lot though. I ended up going through the parking lot of a restaurant right next door and hitting a light as it turned green so I had no trouble going left. It was great.

That was the last of the stuff I had to do before the trip so I was on my way to the hotel where my mom was working so we could eat and be merry. I was going to stick around while she was working so I could just take her home but I got bored and decided to go back to her house. I walked in the door and my dad asked if I was ready to go. Apparently, he wanted to go driving out in the woods (this is common practice for Yoopers). So we got in his truck and stopped at a gas station because he needed to pick up some beer while we were out. He made me go get it. Sadly, that was the very first time I ever bought alcohol in a store. We went out driving and discussed everything that was going on. My parents sign the divorce papers on Thursday, in case you were wondering. We drove around until it started to get dark, then went back to the house to watch House. Dad wanted a Blizzard so he sent me with my mom's car and his debit card on a mission. It was 7 pm. This is how lame Norway is. Dairy Queen was closed...seriously. I went to McDonald's to get McFlurries instead but they just aren't the same. We ate the ice cream blah blah blah picked up mom, went to bed, woke up, left, yada yada.

We started the trip, like I said, around 9 and got to my brothers around 6 or 7, which is REALLY good time for my mom. I sent a text to my friend Cody, who used to live about a minute away from my brother's but now lives about 20 minutes away, to tell him that I was in town and he better get his scrawny butt over there at some point. It was already too late that night because we were tired and all that jazz. The next day my brother took us to a restaurant called Wolfgang's. They have really awesome breakfast and the best coffee on the planet. From there we went to the theater...the IMAX theater...to see Avatar... in 3D!! It was awesome, except when the screens cut out for like 2 minutes. My brother got 4 free tickets to see any IMAX movie some other time. We got back to the house and I was going to tell Cody that we could hang out but he was already busy. We decided on coffee the next day. So the day goes by, Cody was working or something and my sister-in-law Emily made this...thing... she called a shepherd's pie. It was carrots, celery and garlic put into a blender, pureed, and spread onto the bottom of a pan, with lamb and mashed potatoes on top. It was gross. 7 pm rolls around and I sent Cody another text to see if he was ready to go and he said "how about around 9?" So I waited until 9, and still nothing from him. 9:30 I sent him another text and he said he was out drinking. I was leaving the next day so when he said that I was super pissed. We argued, I pretty much called him a douche, and then I went to bed. The rest of this story will be on my next blog, which I might write later tonight, if my fingers heal after typing up this bad boy...

Stop Crying or I'll Give You Something to Cry About!

This entry is in response to the whining and whimpering of one of my roommates *cough*Chris*cough*... Apparently he had grown tired of rereading my previous entry. I think he is just a big weirdo head for reading it over and over.

Anyway, enough bashing Chris. Let's move on to a more important topic, like the freaking awesome necklace that I made Chris. I'm going to have to steal it from him in the future to take a picture and post it on here. I mean, how many people do you know that can make an itty bitty typewriter out of clay? Ok, maybe a lot, but I am very proud of myself. I do wish that I had the ability to draw as well as Chris and Doug, but I don't think that will ever happen, so I'll stick with the clay.

Let's see, what else is on my mind? Hmm...how about my mother and her constant need to attempt to inconspicuously steal money from people. She thinks I don't notice, but I do. She manages to weasel her way into every one's pocket book. The other day, she told my dad that she was only going to pay from March and thereafter on credit card bills that she had racked up for the past year. Then she tried to tell me that some money that I owe for my past phone bills needs to go to her because she needs to pay that bill, when she already did so with my father's money. So, $115 for past due phone bills is sitting in limbo until I figure out who it really belongs to. As does $75 that is owed to me for dog sitting so many months ago while my mom was out macking on her friend's man in Washington. If she wants to regain her youth, or whatever it is she is trying to do, that is fine with me, but she needs to stop screwing everyone over. There is a lot that I could be doing with that money, like paying Heather and Chris, and fixing my computer. It's really frustrating. I hope I never end up like her...God, I hope it hasn't already happened...